Authors I’ve Given Up On

My circle of trusted authors grows smaller.

While I was reading an advance reader’s copy of Stuart Turton’s latest book, The Last Murder at the End of the World, I felt my remaining drops of goodwill for this author evaporate. Then I realized this has happened many times before and behold! this list was born.

Stuart Turton

The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle (his first book and the first one I read) is a really good concept: a Groundhog Day murder mystery where the main guy wakes up in a different body each day. Super fun and atmospheric and I really enjoyed it…until the last eighth where the explanation/resolution arrives and it just doesn’t quite work. But still, I was optimistic about future books.

Then I read The Devil and the Dark Water. Or rather, I tried to. I only made it a few chapters in before quitting. I don’t remember exactly why I quit, but I recall the characters’ speech being annoyingly modern when the setting was at least hundred years ago. So, that one went back to the library.

But then I saw this newest book and I thought, “I’m gonna try this one more time.”

sigh

In theory, an author’s first book should be their “weakest.” That theory does not apply to Turton. I tried SO FREAKING HARD to get through this book (The Last Murder at the End of the World, in case you forgot the title). I kept coming back and back, hoping the next chapter would be the one to hook me. But after reading about a quarter, I decided there is no hook.

There’s a lot of stuff in that quarter, and yet absolutely nothing of substance. We’re introduced to at least ten characters but none of them are…man, I don’t even know what to say about them because there’s just nothing. They’re the vaguest idea of a stereotype: mysterious old woman who has all the answers but dies before answers are given; the inquisitive misfit who doesn’t have a job she’s good at because she’s quirky but she’ll also be the main problem solver; the daughter who went against her mom’s wishes and isn’t that dramatic and I’m gettin’ bored just listing them.

The gist of the story is that a hundred-some people are living on this island that’s surrounded by a killer fog. Old Mystery Lady is putting a plan in motion to save humanity and she only has a few days before all life will be lost. The questions of how will humanity end/be saved, how did they get to this island, why are things the way they are, and why will the person be murdered, are supposed to be good mysteries. Due to the poor characters, I don’t care what happens to them nor do I foresee a time when I could care what happens to them. When the fate of humanity is on the line, it might help if the humans are worthy of sympathy and salvation.

There’s nothing noteworthy about any aspect of the writing and that’s a shame, because this concept has potential.

I skipped to the end to see if perchance there’s some bedazzling conclusion and nope, there isn’t. It’s one of those endings that’s pointless because the world doesn’t end, the future is not grim and from what I gathered, only the baddies died. That seems like a wasted opportunity. Why bother slapping the ‘stakes’ on the grill if the fire isn’t gonna be lit?

And thus ends my hope of Turton becoming a new favorite author.

Neil Gaiman

I read The Ocean at the End of the Lane, Good Omens and sorta finished Neverwhere. I’m ambivalent about Ocean, and season one of Omens is better than the book, but Neverwhere annoyed the everliving daylight out of me. I have a feeling—a womanly reader’s intuition, if you will—that Gaiman thinks he has more smarts, innovation, creativity, and sheer talent than most writers. I could be wrong, but his writing is broadcasting that message to me and I find it extremely distasteful, so I’ve put Gaiman in my rearview mirror.

The movie adaptation of his book Stardust is really good though.

Fredrik Backman

A Man Called Ove is okay, for the most part. There’s nothing special about it, but Backman is a pretty well-liked author, so then I tried Britt-Marie Was Here.

There’s something really off about the characters in Britt-Marie. Most of the characterization is done in dialogue and I normally like that, but hearing these people talk is somewhere between odd and disturbing. It was a long time ago when I tried reading this book so I can’t give specifics but the description that comes to mind is: the dialogue is blocky, but the blocks are made of different materials and every time you try to create stacks, it all falls down. It’s staccato-y and devoid of lyricism, and wrong.

Perhaps this Swedish author’s style simply doesn’t translate well. Whatever the reason, I don’t like the result.

Emily Henry

Sometimes highly rated books are right to be praised. Other times I feel like everyone’s gone crazy and I’m standing on the outside of the asylum, glad to be free. And still other times I wish I could be admitted to the club, because I want to see the amazingness that is somehow, somewhere, on display.

I read People We Meet on Vacation and Book Lovers ALL THE WAY THROUGH, that’s how determined I was to find the kernel of joy that apparently exists. I even read a couple chapters of Beach Read before slamming the door on this author for good.

I’m a romantic at heart and I’m constantly on the lookout for cutesy romances that are full of warm butteriness and fun banter and light and happiness and Emily Henry does not write those kinds of stories. At least, not to my satisfaction.

You have to go some ways—or not far enough—for me to not like the male lead in a romance. But both of these leads are so boring and flat and charmless. It’s upsetting, especially since I know exactly how these guys are supposed to come across.

The female leads are also no good. One thing I noticed is a lot of emphasis is put on how good they are at their job—one’s an editor and the other is a travel blog writer. But next to no evidence is given to support that claim. I was expecting to read excerpts of the travel blog; apparently she’s so skilled she amassed a huge following and that led to her getting a job at a big travel company. It would’ve made sense to have excerpts and yet they’re not there. Why not?!

I will find an author of good cutesy romcoms, but Henry is not it.

Sarah J. Maas

This is a blast from the past; I haven’t touched a Maas book in ten years. Throne of Glass came into my life at the right age, but its sequel failed to draw me in and I ditched the series. Now I look at all the books she’s published since then and I’m so glad I have zero time invested in any of them.

Naomi Novik

I read Uprooted and from what I remember, the aesthetics/idea were good, but I wasn’t a fan of the characters or overall execution of the story. Then I tried Spinning Silver and His Majesty’s Dragon and neither of those worked. I do have a review of HMD HERE. Novik has good ideas but not the skill (I think) to bring home the metaphorical bacon. Not much to say otherwise.

The one I’m on the fence about:

Stephen King

The Shining and The Gunslinger. Neither of those is a huge plus nor minus in King’s favor. I’ve heard Pet Sematary is the book to read when you’re not sure about King, so I’ll probably try it. I meant to continue with the Dark Tower series but it hasn’t called to me yet and as a mood reader, I take the calls of books very seriously. And that’s why I’m in the midst of many series: they ain’t picking up the phone.

The authors I would normally chuck, but won’t, because by golly…I…I just won’t.

Charles Dickens

I’m not saying Dickens’ books suck. But the way he went about writing them leaves a lot to be desired. In retrospect, A Tale of Two Cities and Bleak House probably weren’t the best ones to start with, so that’s why I’m still holding out for a surprise one-eighty. There’s got to be something beyond the longwinded, overblown and caricatural creations that I’ve seen. I’m rootin’ for ya, Dickens.

*Update* And we have a winner in A Christmas Carol!

Jane Austen

Can I be a true romantic without loving Austen? Truly that is one of life’s great questions. But the truth of the matter is this: Austen’s stories are better as movies. I’ve only read Pride and Prejudice and Northanger Abbey, but I’m prepared to die on that hill.

However, it’s Austen. I can’t completely reject her books. I have higher hopes for Persuasion, but if that fails, then…it’s on to Sense and Sensibility. C’mon, Austen! Don’t fail me.

*Update* She failed me.

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