I Watched More 80’s Fantasy Movies

Because new ones suck.

Jun 20, 2025

It’s becoming clear to me that the 80’s were a magical time. To start, I watched Labyrinth, and now I have experienced The Dark Crystal and Legend for the first time as well. I am fully prepared to ignore all new fantasy movies/shows and park myself in the past. Modern fantasy film makers should take note: you lose the audience when you can’t make something comparable to what already exists.

The Dark Crystal has a simple plot: The Chosen One is tasked with replacing a piece of the crystal so the world doesn’t fall completely into the baddies’ hands.

The simplicity of the story is both a blessing and curse. It doesn’t get distracted by unnecessary side quests and characters, but it’s a bit, “That’s it?” which isn’t the best reaction to have. It hits the beats that are expected and it’s nice that they didn’t cram in a ton of superfluous stuff. I’m sure I’d feel very differently if I had nostalgia attached to this movie, so if you watched this growing up, I’d like to hear what your thoughts of it are now.

If I were to change things, it would be Jen, the main character. He’s nothing special, despite being The Chosen One. (Or perhaps it’s his Chosen-ness that makes him boring.) When the world’s in danger and you need to hope for a bright finale, I think it helps if the people making that good ending happen are likable and interesting. And Jen is…he’s the vanilla of vanilla. No French, Madagascar, or bourbon, just plain vanilla. This has nothing to do with him being a puppet either; I’ve seen well-rounded puppet characters. I look at him and ask, “Is that the best the end of the world can do?” He could be the puppet version of Luke Skywalker, but even Luke was whiny; Jen is basic and an approximation of what it means to not be the villain, but that doesn’t make a strong character. I think they could’ve put some extra substance in him.

The other characters (all of them puppets) don’t break new barriers either, but the design of the puppets is a delight to behold. I love the one baddie who wears several sets of glasses. And the scene that goes through the swamp showing all the creatures and foliage is another sign that we are currently living in the darkest timeline of fantasy movies. Everything is alive in this world, which is ironic. Half the fun of watching this movie is keeping an eye out for the details and tiny creatures because no one puts this much work into fantasy anymore. It’s both a pleasure and depressing to see the artistry on display.

Jen is not the only similarity to Star Wars. One of this movie’s producers also worked on SW; and I noticed the aged mentor who dies and then his body disappears; the Podlings are definitely comparable to Ewoks; this world has multiple suns; and we have a mini Chewie. The parallels aren’t a bad thing—using the same pieces to create a new image doesn’t make either creation a lesser one. But I can’t watch a movie like this and not see the influences from other movies when it’s this close.

As with Labyrinth, I watched the behind-the-scenes and, first of all, can we bring back detailed “making of” videos? The new movies I’ve watched either don’t have anything, or only a two-minute montage of nothing special. I want to see a bit more of how a movie was made. Do they think it’s not worth making them because DVDs aren’t popular, or is nothing filmed to begin with? It’s a shame that it’s so rare.

But this one has a good look at all the work they put into creating the puppets and sets, like how they hired mimes, acrobats, and clowns to be inside the bodies of the Mystics. It’s the dedication, skill and attention to detail that makes me appreciate it even more. It’s obvious that they had to put in many hours to make the puppets, but then I learned it took five years to make the movie and I think it was worth it because I’m pretty sure no one’s gonna be lovingly watching Warcraft in forty years. Having your work live beyond you is a wonderful thing.

I admire all the work that went into this movie, but if you want to watch a puppet fantasy story, Labyrinth is better.

~ ~ ~

Why had I never heard of Legend until a couple months ago? What other gems am I missing?

Is this a perfect movie? No. But I had fun watching it.

There are at least two different versions of this movie. There’s the theatrical cut (which is not the same version in America and Europe), and then there’s the director’s cut. Do not, under any circumstances, watch the theatrical one. It’s an inferior story and the music sucks. I watched the director’s version first and then skimmed the theatrical one, so that’s how I know.

The story is that the baddie, Darkness, wants to plunge the world into permanent night and he’s going to do this by killing the last unicorns, who are the embodiment of live, laugh, love, and light. Unicorns are attracted to innocence and that brings in Princess Lily who ~~causes WWIII with her idiocy and pigheadedness~~ is so innocent. She gets kidnapped and that leads Jack, the forest boy, on a quest to free her and prevent the last unicorn’s death.

(I did miss about fifteen minutes of the movie because I got a copy from the library and the disc was pretty scratched. I don’t think I missed any vital story parts, more like how characters got from point A to point B. Switching to the theatrical version did fill some of the gaps, but not all of them.)

This is an original story, by which I mean it’s not connected to ANY other story in existence. The director, Ridley Scott—of Gladiator and Alien fame—wanted to do a fantasy movie and he got some guy to write a script. That is a foreign concept in today’s reboot-riddled, book-bastardized, sequel-excreter world, so I have to give it massive props for that alone. It’s still not 100% uncharted ideas; I noticed similarities with Narnia, The Hobbit, Peter Pan, The Jungle Book, The Mummy, Jack the Giant Slayer, and other assorted fairy tales. But I like most of those things, so it’s not a negative.

The princess mentions her father and the castle, but neither are shown and the whole story has a closed-in feel, even though they go to several different places. Normally with fantasy it’s about showing off the world and unique cities and such, so to have an almost isolationist atmosphere is one more thing that sets this apart.

The negative is Princess Lily. She has some real Dumb Broad™ energy and I can’t stand her. Characters who are told, in no uncertain terms, NOT to do something, and then go and do it anyway…no. Get away from me. And she tells Jack that whoever finds her ring is the one she’ll marry and then she tosses the ring off a cliff only to freak out when Jack dives into the water to find it. What did she think would happen?! Characters like her are one of the reasons I prefer my fantasy to be dominated by men.

But Jack is also a basic hero type. I do like Tom Cruise, so that does cover some things, but he’s still the farm boy-esque archetype and that’s kinda it. He becomes a hero in the course of saving the (dumb dumb) princess and he does it with courage and perseverance, which are great things for the hero to have. I just wish he had a personality to go with it. I did find it amusing that during the finale fight, he’s wearing his mail shirt and no pants. But it fits his lifestyle since he’d been hanging out in the forest communing with animals, so why would he own pants?

Then we have Gump, the elf/imp/Peter Pan sidekick and he’s not what I expected to encounter in this story. He’s irate at Jack for letting Lily near the unicorns but ends up accompanying him to free the unicorn. He’s the type who’d nowadays not be present for the whole story because he’s too helpful and useful, but Gump stays by Jack’s side and I like that twist.

I’m not crazy about Gump’s dwarf helpers, but it’s another reminder that that new Snow White movie would’ve faired better with real people playing the dwarves.

Tim Curry as Darkness a.k.a. Satan, is so good. It’s Tim Curry; he always turns in a good performance. But the make-up and prosthetics for him…flawless. This movie is forty years old and there’s no way the CGI of today could hold a candle to the magnificence of Darkness’s look. I know it took hours to put on, but it’s totally worth it. And his goblin sidekick also has great make-up.

The whole movie has aged pretty well. The only thing that really stuck out to me was the fake snow.

The music in the director’s cut actually sounds like it belongs in a fantasy movie. It’s not just mindless epic cacophonies of epicness; there are layers and a wide variety of instruments. That’s something I’ve noticed in new movies/shows: the music doesn’t have character; it’s the same notes sustained for as long as possible on as few unique-sounding instruments as possible. And the 80’s synth vibe they went for in the theatrical version made me wilt inside.

As I recently reviewed Warcraft (2016), looking at that movie and the other fantasy movies/shows released since then, is like gazing into a void of sadness. There’s no originality. No risks. No nothing. The color palette is even leached of vibrancy.

And that’s why, setting aside the flaws in these two movies, I like them better than any new fantasy movie/show. They wanted to make a movie and instead of ripping into someone else’s creation, they went their own way and I love that. There’s so much that fantasy can be and many innovative and exciting places it can explore. It’s such a shame that no one is willing to walk on the unknown path. Instead they blowtorch the remaining life out of what used to be a mystical land.

So I want one, just ONE new, high profile, well-funded, original fantasy movie created with effort, care, and limited CGI. Surely we’re getting to the place where that’s possible.

Until that day arrives, I’m gonna go watch Conan the Barbarian and Excalibur because I haven’t seen those either.

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